Episode 43 - bonus

EMPATHS! Signs you are Dealing with a Narcissist | Raven Scott Show

Published on: 29th April, 2022
" Holding the narcissist accountable is like emotional abuse to them. They receive it as offensive. They will not receive any type of constructive criticism. They will not even receive how you are feeling, how they have affected you. And they will, all of a sudden their ego will be triggered." -Raven

Narcissist Abuse is not your fault. 5 Signs your Relationship is dead & you're dealing with a narcissist. 5 Ways the narcissist manipulates you into thinking it is your fault. Leaving you morally bankrupt as a chef, call girl, errand boy, and scapegoat feeling alone and ashamed.

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Transcript

Signs you are dealing with a narcissist #relationships #narcissist #love NARc Abuse Raven scott show episosde 2

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Well, I

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their ego will be triggered.[:

And now you're on the defensive. When you really should be able to safely share how you're feeling, how someone's treated you, but to them, excuse me, they go on the attack because they think in their ego that it's emotional abuse. How could you say that? You're the one that's crazy. You're the one that's up.

Or in my instance, I have someone in my life I shared with her authentically, how she did this. This made me feel right. The very, like things that you, you should be doing when you did this action. This made me feel, and honestly, she was stunned and I'm like, I know she doesn't know how to react. She doesn't know how to receive this because she thought she did nothing wrong in her head.

She was blameless. She said, you're always welcome. Or whatever the kid, the case is. And honestly, it's just bull crap. Like it's just bullshit. So whatever she's saying is lip service and anything that sh you know, and what she's trying to do, she went into the fight or flight. And as that extremely selfish person, and she was trying to defend herself, and that's what the narcissist does.

All they're doing ever is to defend themselves and never take accountability for their

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ut with the narcissist, it's [:

It's always you, you will always have to do this, this, this to make it better. Otherwise just leave. And then bill break your heart, break up with you. Did you like, they just will move on so quickly. So either way, it's not a fun experience for the person on the receiving end.

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Uh, before I forget, um, you can get ahold of Raven by the way, on her Instagram page. Hope I'm getting this correct. Uh, Raven Scott show is the Instagram page. Now, is that the same as it is on your YouTube as well? I'm just same.

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Can you expound on that a little bit more again, the majority of our audience are individuals who are just now beginning their journey. Uh, so for some of you who are seasoned veterans of understanding, uh, narcissistic abuse, uh, uh, traits and behaviors of narcissism and. Uh, feel free to join in and enjoy the journey as we talk about this now.

Uh, but, uh, go ahead, Raven, talk a little bit about that. No empathy for you.

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er people, either, you know, [:

They don't know how to deal with that because they play the victim all the time within themselves. They're the ones always hurt. They're always belittling your experience. I have another example I've experienced, um, from someone close to me that when I expressed, when this happened in my life, this really.

Was hurtful. And I wish that things could have been better, but of course we can't live in the past. We need to move forward. But sometimes we need healing in these conversations to be able to move forward. And the person who is a narcissist or is playing the victim or is extremely selfish, or you could call them talk sick, they will try.

And one up you in the game like, oh yeah, well, but you didn't feel like you weren't hurt by your family when you were little or you didn't have it as bad as me. So they're actually not even hearing you because they're not holding space and saying, I'm sorry that that happened. That was never my intention.

They're just like, one-upping you in a victim game? Like, oh, well you don't have it as bad as me or, oh, well, you know, you're lucky you even have me. Like, they just completely ignore your emotions. And that is a lack of empathy.

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And if they try, uh, that's, uh, it's sad is, is actually kind of pathetic that a person wants to live that life that way. Hopefully, um, if you're experiencing this and you need to reach out to someone, of course, you're more than welcome to reach out to anyone that's, uh, on the shows that we do. But, uh, I am truly highlighting the Raven Scott show here to reach out to Raven, if you're dealing with a narcissist and, uh, they are playing the victim all the time and causing you to feel as if you're not seen or heard.

impath is experiencing this, [:

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It really is very harmful. And I think it also, for me, it really, um, hurt my self esteem. For lack of better words hurt. It really started to cut down on to my self-esteem and self-worth like, well, I guess I'm not really, like my opinion's not valid. My feelings aren't valid. So I guess that means that I'm just gonna kind of go along with whatever's given to me and, you know, therefore you can be set up to then now in friendships or romantic relationships, just putting up to put up, cause you've always put up and it's, it's not okay.

You should never feel like you're invalidated or you're not heard. Um, and a lot of times I would seek a more mentor or guidance from another person outside my family. And that really helped me try, like I just was trying to find grounded. To be able to have guidance cause I wanted it and I was healthy enough to know that I wasn't getting it somewhere.

So I got to get it somewhere else. So for me, I always kind of felt lost. And you know, I always, actually, when I was younger, I made friends with a senior, like let's say in high school, I always had a senior friend, but then they left to go to college. So then I have to make a new friend and it always seemed to be a senior cause I was looking for the older, you know, mentorship.

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Okay. No intimacy and no sex seems to be a dynamic that is often talked about when you're dealing with a narcissist who is trying to control every app. 'cause they fear intimacy. What are your thoughts?

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If you can't authentically be yourself and feel safe to be vulnerable about being a human being because suffering and pain, joy, and celebrating, those are all intertwined in being a human. So the narcissist is afraid of this. Again, due to their past trauma, due to whatever treatment they've received in their growing up and conditioning, they've been conditioned that being a vulnerable, being vulnerable, being intimate is equals pain, really.

And so they block themselves off to this and so they can't actually truly experience true intimacy. And so then their partner is. Well really connect with them, like on a soul level. I think there's something special about when you're intimate with somebody to really feel connected on a soul level and they're incapable, there's a huge wall and it just, it will never be ever deeply connected with their partner.

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I know. That's why you have to show here. That's right, right. To the point they don't care essentially is what you're saying. Uh, that, that means then I'll put this up now. Uh, they easily become defensive. So you can't even talk about the previous thing we were just talking about or not being seen and heard because if you try to discuss something based up on what you're saying, we got a problem now because they're going to become easily defensive.

Hm.

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So I was dressed up and, you know, make sure the high heels are on and like this big production, but there was zero emotional and, you know, intimacy there. And then it would drag on and on and on for hours and hours. And then I, you know, as a human being, I'm like, I gotta go to work. I'm tired. And then boom, he would become so defensive.

Um, or I would literally just fall asleep and pass out. Then he'd be really mad at me the next day, not talking to. And, you know, be like, well, what did I do? Right? Like, well, nothing, you know, nothing, Raven, you did nothing. He just, you know, couldn't connect with you. He couldn't get his needs met of whatever he wanted out of the, you know, production of the whole experience.

defensive. At one point, you [:

I ha you know, I had a job it's already been four hours, like, come on, dude. Like, but he got very defensive and it just turned into a big, huge fiasco, huge fight. He would even remove vacations because I didn't perform. Sexy enough for whatever. And so all of this stuff is the takeaway. The narcissist does all of this is just their smoke and mirrors that they're inadequate because that's their biggest fear in life is that they're inadequate

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I love the way you said that that's almost like the title of a second book. I, you came up with it. I really like that. Um, oh, here we go. With the next item to keep in mind when you're dealing with someone who's self-absorbed self-centered, uh, narcissistic traits and behaviors. Um, here we go. You wanted to highlight this aspect, uh, essentially they have no compassion or, or, um, well you say it.

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any work, work on themselves [:

I don't like to be on this shelf. This sucks. They don't love me. They're not compassionate. They're always blaming me for things. So I'm going to let. Except that when you start to leave the go, oh wait, no, no, let me get my, my shining Polish out. Let me like dust you off. Let me Polish you. Let me give you all of the love and attention that you're asking.

And then you're like, oh, okay, okay. So you heard me, I guess then I will stay. But typically with the narcissist, it lasts like, I don't know, a week, not, not very long until they feel comfortable again and you're back in their routine and then you're back in the routine and you're just sitting on the shelf with no compassion, not being treated like an equal human being and you know, life that the vicious pattern of pain continues.

Yeah.

We're

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I was with mine for 10 years and I literally. I would say out loud, am I taking crazy pills? Like what is going on? Because the cycle repeats and repeats where they discourage you. They have zero compassion, you know, they get comfortable, they blame you for everything. And then you're like, no, you can fight in your friends.

er on its head. And somehow, [:

You really, truly are trying to fix the relationship, but you can't be. This relationship that you're stuck in this, like literally Groundhog's day loop, you are never going to be able to fix it. Cause you can only control yourself. And that relationship is a one-way street versus a healthy relationship that could grow and change.

That typically is a two way street. So I I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that and everyone on the outside, of course they blame you. They think you're crazy. They think that, or they think why is she staying? She must really be crazy and wish for this torture, but it's not, it's so complicated. And you do feel like you're losing your mind.

And then in the end I really felt like I was losing my soul. Like I literally could feel the vortex pulling me down and I saw the dark mist. I was like, okay now. Okay. I see. Thank you universe. I see this. I need to get out now.

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When you do a show with me, we've done so many together. I have to ask you, I'm thinking of this. Look, you're in this situation, Raven, where we're talking to people about this. Now you speak to a number of people. Uh, you also coach people. You have your book, you have your podcast, you have a YouTube channel.

You try to help as many as you can. But when you were in that type of a situation and you didn't know it was your fault, you were maybe kept trying to, I have a picture. I, I'm not going to ever put up, unless you tell me it's okay that you sent me. You know what I'm saying?

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Like all of us, they'd go through a little bit of the

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But it was me between the two moms. And I was like, do you see which one? Which one's my real mom? Cause it was like so obvious that I looked identically like his, which I, we talked about before with Caroline in the show. And um, the picture was from us planning the wedding dinner. And this is eight years after I got together with him and probably the first two, we were young.

So in high school, so those, they really wasn't bad. It wasn't narcissist abuse. So for six years I've been dealing with. Emotional rollercoaster cycle of trying to leave, move out, move back in, move out, move back in. And so we're arranging this wedding dinner and you can see me looking identical to his mom.

And I thought that giving him an ultimatum to marry me was going to fix our problems. And it just made them worse. Just like you think you going to have a kid it's going to fix your problems. It just makes it worse. It's like when you drink alcohol, you think it's going to numb your problems, but it actually, it magnifies them and it magnifies your like darkest shadowy behaviors.

So all of that to say, I know the real pain of the emotional roller coaster.

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A good as I can describe it. Whenever you put that out, everyone who knows you and has come to know you via social media will be able to understand what you have experienced, uh, when you were in that vortex of, of total confusion. Um, you, you didn't know it wasn't your fault. You thought it was. What were some of the things you kept trying to do to make it work?

What were sacrifices that you were making some short to make it work?

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And then we can move on. Like, because that started to be a big thing as I wanted to have a family and he was a hard, no, and I'm so grateful that it was a hard, no, because otherwise I still be dealing with them today. No children with him. Yeah. Otherwise I'd be dealing with them

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I've given everybody a heads up there. Uh, we're going to have a little commercial break, uh, for us to, uh, drink a little bit off camera and not what you're thinking now, what you're thinking, where you just get a little tea or coffee or something down the road, as we're doing the show for you this morning.

cy, uh, once infidelity was. [:

Okay. That's a lot in there. We could dicey. We could cut into, go ahead. Touch on it, my friend. Yeah.

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And one was physically hitting me, which he only did once. Very obviously. And so I moved out and then the second was infidelity and he actually tried it. Wasn't didn't, it wasn't successful, but he tried to go have, you know, sleep with my sister. And as much as I didn't have a really close relationship with her, I thought that that's just like creepy and that's a huge now.

So I was like file divorce papers tomorrow. Like, so it's hard and it's relieving, right? You are worn out with all of the things. Gosh, literal errands. I remember always doing all the errands. He sat home like a kid and just did whatever he did. Yeah. The obligations constantly walking on eggshells. It's like, because they react so defensively.

Like we had said before, the lack of empathy, the defensiveness trains you to in your mind go, should I say this? How are they going to react? Oh, they're not going to like this. So I'm not going to like, share my true thoughts about this. And honestly, I'm just feel like I'm rewiring that now, like with the safe partner that I have now.

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I hear you, I I'm sorry. Or whatever the conflict is. Um, or like, this is where I was coming from, and this is my opinion on it. And we're able to talk like a normal, I always see normal, like a healthy relationship versus, you know, it's like the ghost of that fear, that eggshells. I hear you off the refrain.

It's like, just because you're out of it doesn't mean you're fully out of all of that conditioning that they've put you through.

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But I got to touch on something. You sat there, my friend, you said, and you did too, also Raven Lauren out and the errands you were worn out with the relationship and what it was putting you through. You were worn out with the person. How would you describe being worn out for someone who's just now embarking on being worn out?

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the negative energy, you're [:

And then that will fix it. Like all of these things aren't ever going to fix it because it's not emotional level solutions. And so you're emotionally worn out. That's what I interpreted.

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And I appreciate you doing that. My friend, um, errands. Huh? So they, you always had to do errands for the house

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And, um, I did the purchasing of the dinners out. Oh my God. And if they got the order wrong, And I came home and I didn't double check. It I'd have to go back. Cause he would not. He refused, he was literally like a toddler. He refused to eat it. He wouldn't even scrape off the sauce or whatever they put on there.

And he liked things very plain.

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I find that interesting. I mean, for you to be in that relationship, it was a moment in time for you. But now that you look back, you, you are given out so much information to help so many younger. Uh, young ladies getting boyfriends or whatever, and they're finding out that they are dealing with very controlling people.

And that's a sad situation of the refrain has, has, uh, said that he's looking for a cave. You looking for a cave? My friend he's Hey,

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So I'd love to pull your chart and read that, but yeah, because there's, especially if you're carrying the weight and the relationship, of course you want to retreat, that's too much. You're literally bearing the whole relationship. All of the responsibilities of being an adult and the household, the children, if there's children involved, the money fight the career.

My money was the actual real money. His money was from his parents. There's just so much on your shoulders. That of course you want to retreat and go into a cave. Yeah. So,

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You should stay strong and still be in your quote, unquote cave to do your healing, to invest in yourself

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A few people ask us, it's a way in which people want to donate to the show. Uh, of course they can use the PayPal, uh, to do so. Uh, but of course we have the recovery zone, um, Raven, your, um, efforts to help people. Uh, you've done a lot of research. Uh, you came up with five different things that you wanted to talk about, and I want to put up number five.

Now, when you sent over the information to me, I had to try to come up with, in my mind, ways to put it on the screen, the graphics to put it on the screen. This is what I came up with for number five. So please forgive me. These are not, these are not Raven's words. If you want to be mad at somebody, be mad at me because I take responsibility for the graphics.

So the content though was, she's going to say after. She'll make sense of what I'm going to put on the screen. So I tried to make it make sense, though. It, here we go create they, a narcissist can create emotional confusion and mental chaos. Uh, you have a number of, uh, better words maybe to use for number five.

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This is why we stay in the relationship with a narcissist for so long. And because we're like making all these excuses for them and have these hopes and dreams for the future. And we have this fantasy relationship in our heads. Versus the reality relationship, but our body knows it knows what is healthy.

It knows what is right. And it will tell you, so the emotional confusion and manipulation of all their words, that the narcissists are very good at that to, again, Gaslight your true feelings, which are inside your gut. So if your body disagrees with your mind, that is something that will tell you that you need to again, find therapy or, and, or, you know, find an escape plan.

The relationships over the relationship is dead because let's say they're coming up to you and wanting to give you a hug and you're shrinking inside your body. And your stomach is clenching. That's that? That's your body saying that this is not a safe person, as much as they can say they love. They have shown you in their actions.

And this is not a safe person. If they say the words, I love you and you start to cry or hold back tears, because it's painful that they're saying, I love you because they've just blamed you for everything thrown you under the bus. Maybe they have physically abused you or mentally called you horrible, nasty words that no one should ever call each other.

nto shutdown mode. I was not [:

First. It was, it was, um, flour, right? The basic gluten allergy and. I would feel really horrible and bloated and sick and like I couldn't digest. And then, um, it became dairy and then I couldn't consume dairy. And that gave me an upset and everyone's like, oh, well, those are common allergies, but yet I can drink it.

But I don't like to now dairy. Once I left that relationship, I was able to eat whatever I wanted. My body was free. My body was happy. I did not have celiac disease. It was literally a, my ex allergy. Like my ex was the allergy.

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And also I was being hounded for always looking really skinny. Um, and I'm tiny already. Like I am, you know, when I left, I was really skinny and I was always feeling like I needed to diet. That was again, another controlling aspect that narcissists do. And so, um, I was eating pretty much salads all the time and she's like, well, first of all, you don't eat anything.

So how can you actually go if you're not eating anything?

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A B my guests read [:

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Yep. Toast LOL.

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eat awakening since the last.:

Like our last first episode of Raymond Scott show, I'm done, we're done a cycle is ending a new one's begun. So all of us who've experienced this first are strong enough souls to endure it. And second are here, have a brilliant light to shine out the part of the community and to support others in shutting the light on all of the darkness to dispel it.

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g. That's enough time for us [:

And uh, we'll be right back, uh, with a little bit more for you. Uh, actually about five more things for you, a real long show, the Raven Scott show for you today. And uh, we appreciate you being with us on this second episode. Uh, so right now, uh, wait, hold on a second, I'm getting a message. Uh, we're going to do this here real quick.

I'll put that up there. Uh, diagnose manual use by, uh,

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Uh, Raven of course has our own YouTube channel. Uh, the Raven Scott, uh, show channel as well on YouTube. And of course she is on Instagram. What I'm really interested in is making sure that, uh, you know, we're going to do our best to make sure to give you as many shows as possible, but they will be truly high production value shows.

In other words, the COVID. Uh, we'll be just juicy enough for you to sift through, pull out what you need, so it can help you as you move through your journey of making sure that you have peace and unity in your home. We just got through talking about how narcissists can create emotional confusion and mental chaos and, uh, right about now.

Uh, we got Raven here with us back again, uh, as the host of the Raven Scott show. Go ahead, Raven.

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They were just talking about the body brain and the brain brain.

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It's a whole nother audience. We're gaining here on YouTube. Uh, there they're like, Hey, you know, we understand they they've been so understanding that we, we will do that.

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And we're [:

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So if you're into astrology and human design, I go through all the different transits every week. It's really been a lot of fun.

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They have to be talented people, uh, that I would even, uh, I would be comfortable inviting them to my home as it were.

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Uh, it's something that, uh, I stumbled across. I offered it to you as a possible aspect to the show. Uh, you said yes. Uh, I needed to respect that because this is the Raven Scott show on our platform and our brand, the two brands coming together, something we got accustomed to doing on Instagram, and now we're doing it here.

Um, I'll put this up and I'm just, we're gonna go into a subject right now. Uh, hopefully you can see that on the screen, uh, narcissists, narcissistic abuse, wasn't your fault. Uh, and I wanted to do this with you, my friend, Raven, because I know you've got the right fervor. Uh, and I don't have to be the only one that has the fervor

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I'm excited.

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But this I wanted you to address today. My friend, narcissistic abuse, many people feel it's their fault and they don't even know they're being abused.

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What you're going through, the chaos and confusion, even once you're out of it. And you go through your morning, your, your, um, you know, you're sad, you miss your, your lover because really what you need to do to let go of in our SIS is remove the fantasy of what you thought the relationship was and see it for what it really is, which is really hard.

And then you get angry and then you get upset and then you feel like, oh, well, I can't believe I let this happen to me. That's how it I experienced. And then I started blame myself. I was, you know, I. I was dumb. I was not, you know, able to see the signs I was, you know, not experienced enough in the dating. I was too afraid to get out there.

I was making all of these excuses for me to take on the blame and make this bad relationship. All of the narcissist abuse, I experienced my fault, but it's not your fault. It was a perfect storm and yes, it happened and yes, it sucked. But again, it gave you some incredible life lessons, just like off the refrain said, would you go back and change it?

Maybe you would. I think [:

Love bombing. It wasn't genuine love. It was very much a show they were putting on it and act. And your relationship was the stage for them, all of that, where you felt like, oh, but they really loved me. If they did not have empathy for you. If they didn't treat you like a genuine human being, then no, they didn't really love you.

And I'm sorry to tell you that really hard truth to hear. They just loved themselves. They loved the idea of controlling you. They loved whatever they were getting out of that relationship. They loved whatever you were providing, but they didn't truly love you for who you were. Otherwise you would have felt safe.

You would have not been walking on eggshells and all of that to say, it's still not your fault. They're very they're master manipulators. Even the smart. Doctorates. I was just interviewed someone on my podcast. She actually has a degree in the mental health realm and she still fell in love with a narcissist.

Like they're very, very good at what they do. They've been doing it. Their whole life narcissists are developed through their childhood. The narcissism is locked in by 18 and then their masters, like they just, they know what to do. So it's not your fault. It really, truly is not your fault.

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havior traits and qualities, [:

Uh, so thank you so much for doing, uh, which you have. Uh, by helping others in which you're saying right now to reach out to them, uh, of the refrain. You're awesome. Thank you so much for some of the things that you're saying, my friend, I appreciate it. Uh, and big hugs to you and much love to you, uh, for being a support to what we're doing here.

And, uh, we appreciate you, uh, being here. This is the second half of our show. Uh, we had a commercial break and now we are going to cover, uh, five more points. So we just touched on the theme of what we're going to be doing. Uh, Raven, can you, uh, feel free to touch on some of the things you may find here in point number two?

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There's kind of those, those three in an overly spoiled child typically has taken on an adult kind of partner role to a parent. So those combinations are their life's experiences. It's not yours. Their parenting is not your fault. If they had a bad day. They're not allowed to dump on you. You can be a safe space for them to be for your partner to be upset about their bad day, but the unhealthy reaction of the narcissist, where they start to be upset that the house maybe isn't clean enough or the dishes aren't done, or the food isn't properly cooked.

ss come out when they have a [:

They focus on everything outside of them because they're always the victim of whatever scenario it's never their fault. It's my boss's fault. It's never their fault. You didn't make the dinner on time, whatever it is, they will not take that responsibility. So. Oh, go ahead please. I'm sorry. I was just going to conclude that again, the myth that this is your fault, like, oh, sorry.

I didn't cook the dinner on time. Like, don't apologize. You're already working on dinner. Let's say it's cooking and the it's you're human, you know, five minutes here or there. It's not your fault. So please do not apologize. Do not take the blame and they need to put on their big boy or girl pants and be able to wait for five minutes.

Yeah.

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Like let's say you also are raised a certain way. And for me, I had low self esteem for number of reasons I write in my book, it was really low. I felt like I was like a loser and no one really wanted me. And I was ugly, all these things. So it was like, perfect for him. He's like, oh, she's perfect. She, she feels like crap already about herself so I can keep dumping on her.

alk about is your self-worth [:

I'm sorry. I'm guilty. I'm a Virgo. I love things to be perfect life. Isn't perfect. You're not. So, if you continue to strengthen your emotional intelligence, yourself development, that's key for defending against all these lies that this particular situation is your fault.

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He felt you were vulnerable. He could take advantage and manipulate per se. What age were you? Did you start to recognize, or he felt that way or was it when you first met?

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Yeah. But he was trying to, he was trying to hurt me, but it was actually very enlightening and I appreciate that. He said those things.

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in it. You think you're the. [:

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I think you need, you know, you need that separation and time away because they're, they're just really good. Like they can read body language, they can read everything. Like they just, they just have a very,

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Have you ever felt like a cold spring when you were dealing with this or when you're talking to others and you hear their story, they seem like they were this coiled spring, ready to go off in any given direction. And then based upon what I hear, then the narcissist will blame you for being the one out of.

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So you don't want to say sing something, that's going to upset them. And then you hit your limit and enough is enough. And then you explode, right. You explode tenfold. What you probably normally would have reacted if you had taken it in bite size pieces and just ignore the eggshells you were walking on.

then they're turning their, [:

Like you can't take it anymore. And that's, that's um, that's just being human. Like you can't keep you, like, I just keep imagining like a weight, like you said, with the spring coiled underneath it, it's, it's gonna pop, it's gonna burst.

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It says there so others can see they do this. And this happens, uh, your wild and untamed nature as it were there. They're trying to prove that a person is crazy and they're actually the one causing the chaos so others can see how unstable you are and how wonderful. For putting up with you. It almost, it sounds, it also, it sounds so awful.

Um,

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And even if you try and explain it, what happens behind closed doors is extremely hard to put into words. It really is like, it's so abstract and they're so good at how they manipulate things. That honestly, I still can't recount exactly what happened. I just know. And I felt like shit. I felt that I got locked out.

I'm all my S my PA patio door. I got pinned against the wall. I, you know what I mean? Like I got discarded vacations were taken away. Could I tell you exactly what happened? No, because it was just like so much fog and emotion, and there was a lot of alcohol in my case. So a lot of memories are wiped away, but that's what they do.

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And you talked about having to leave in other words, to get the clarity on the reality that it's not your fault. It's not, the person can be, as I touched on a little bit. Filled with shame and guilt, they can believe it's their fault and keep trying to fix something that's broken. But actually the other person doesn't want it to be fixed.

They, they enjoy the chaos and the confusion and the brokenness of a relationship, the drama, they love the drum. Okay. That's a good way to put it. We love the drama. Uh, it says, but after you leave and time and distances between you and your abuser, you get insights into events that happened similar to what you're talking about right now.

And what of the reframe was talking about in the show of the points that he was making. It says you begin to see more clearly the sequence of events and how they did it. That happened with you. Yes.

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Like, so it's a little bit easier to see that in other types of relationships.

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You may have let out left off, let off, excuse me, rephrase that. Uh, to the point of explosion, you may have let off steam said things you didn't want to say, having the courage to revisit in your mind or on paper, those past events helped to bring clear. To a muddy unclear pass. Yeah.

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This is why I love journaling. I'm journaling. And I'm going to get all magical on you, but journaling around the full moon and taking all of those emotions that you feel now, right? Cause you're still gonna feel upset, anger, bitterness, whatever about that relationship. And then like take yourself back if you can, without PTSD triggering into that scenario or into a certain night or whatever, an argument and journal all of that emotion out.

So then you can, once you release that and you burn it in a very safe place with nothing around you, like in a stale steel pot, that actually the energy of all that, like you've gotten it out of your body. You've written it down and it's now surrendered to whomever. You want it to be surrendered to universe.

And it transmutes all that. And that's what I did. I just took all of that. Angerness all of the tears. I would have tears dropping on my journals and then I would burn it and layer by layer. It would be transmuted and taken away. And the healing was truly able to come to light.

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Did you recognize how much you were holding onto as you were writing?

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Oh, yes. I, so some of the. Yeah, the pain that was caused in the new, but once you were able to write it out, you were releasing not just yourself, but technically the person, the good person you're with right now so that you can, from that torture. Totally. Yes. He's very grateful for that. Yeah. Yeah.

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I discovered this journal thing years after I went through therapy, I did a lot of other different healing modalities, but to be honest, this was the most powerful one that I've found because literally it would just be gone. I wouldn't think about it. I wouldn't feel those negative emotions that I had specifically to that layer anymore.

It was, it was sacrificed. It was.

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She has been beating on men since her adolescents. I do not hit women, but, uh, my God, the fury. Yeah. Okay. So she's physically hitting that. She would urge me to, again, a handout PTSD. Yeah. It's almost like she was goading you. Um, and she probably had some strategy behind that to blame you on the abuse instead of her.

y hitting possibly. Oh yeah. [:

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There was a lot going on in there. I don't know much about it, but they're bright when there's domestic violence and abuse. It's complicated and yeah, one probably Stokes the other, just so you're talking about like poking, poking, poking, wind them up like a coil and then the other person can't take it anymore.

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So I wanted to make sure for you, our viewers, uh, you got as much information as possible. We have literally gave you 10, if not 12 different aspects that you could keep in mind, feel free to binge watch this show as much as you like, and like comment, share, follow Raven as myself and save it and share it with those who may be able to, uh, pull some things out of it.

That may be beneficial. This last point that I have up on the screen for us mentioned this, you were tricked into believing that you were responsible for your own abuse. Um, did you, did you ever feel that way?

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It

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Yeah, I did.

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I'm just saying for me, I'll just give myself an example. I was a leader. I was really strong yet. My self esteem because of bullying because of family dynamics, religious upbringing, sheltering, a whole cocktail of things. I went into adulthood, very timid, not prepared and with low, low self-esteem. So I was like, okay, the first guy that looks cute, although I really thought he was hot and his family was beautiful.

So I was like, oh my God, I'm so excited. This guy actually likes me. Ding, ding, ding red flag. Um, yeah. Then of course, then I was like, yes, please love me. And then I'll chase after you for the abuse. Just as long as you continue to love me. Cause no one else will love me. And that's why we say work on yourself, worth your.

Work on your emotional intelligence. That's, what's going to guard your hearts and your minds against these people.

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And, um, I appreciate you a great deal, cause I know you put effort into everything you do is not have hazard. You really put effort and passion behind everything you do. You're a good woman and you've got a good Manny. You really are doing the best that you can to help as many as possible. Thank you for doing this show here.

I want to take a look at this last paragraph, this on, uh, this, uh, uh, this, uh, point number five, the sup on the screen, but the last paragraph of it, it says, please remember that narcissistic abuse was not your. You will find this slowly over time. It was just a trick gaslighting to hide the real reason you were with an abuser, the guilt lies with them.

Why is it important, Raven, from your experience and recovery and journey that you're taking over recovery and in helping others? Why is it important for individuals who are just now embarking on this information and starting to move forward? Why is it important for them to recognize that the guilt lies with the abuser?

Well,

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I think there's definitely [:

Or so many people, you know, have been treated me like shit. Well, okay. But that doesn't really mean that that's real, whatever you're you like? I truly believe each of us has unique light inside of us and we get to choose the light path or the dark path. Those narcissist have chose the dark path. So that's, that's on them.

They chose that, but you now can choose freedom. You now can choose to step away from them. Um, don't let them get away with it. That doesn't mean that you need to take them to court or that you need to call them up and say, you need to apologize to me because that's on reality. Not going to help, not going to happen.

You need to do your own healing within yourself. Right? Get the closure you need to do by doing your spiritual growth, your self development practices. That's really what's key here is it's. You just can't let them give you like, put all the blame on you, uh, for a number of reasons. But the ultimate reason is that no one should ever treat somebody else.

Like they are beneath. Right. Uh, he, inclusivity inclusivity in my being is huge. And honestly, narcissists are not inclusive. They're very exclusive. Everyone that works at a restaurant who's busing tables, they're beneath them, right? This person, that person everyone's technically beneath them in their heads.

ing toxic. They're not being [:

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Ladies and gents, you have just experienced the second episode of the Raven Scott show. Uh, we here at narc abuse TV network in ATV studios. Uh, we are very happy that Raven, you are here. Don't all agree on everything in life, but everyone can pretty much agree on this. Abuse is abuse and it's wrong. Uh, and that's what this show is highlighting.

Feel free to go to. Raven's a YouTube page, Instagram, uh, page, excuse me, uh, rephrase that, uh, her YouTube channel and our Instagram page, uh, page, uh, so that, uh, you can connect with her, talk with her. Um, right now we are near the end of the show, but before we go, um, I just want to say, um, I really appreciate it.

If everybody would take the time to let YouTube know that you like us. So I'm going to put up a picture of my twin brother to remind you,

please make it a point to subscribe to our channel. I just wanted to do that

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ven, tell them, Raven is not [:

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I told you I have a family show and we don't talk bad about people. We do. You see what you got on the screen?

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Uh, some people call them out, chosen, all that stuff. We don't get. We just want to tell you, thank you for watching. So, uh, we'll see everybody again. Next time around wave wave. You guys.

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About the Podcast

Empath And The Narcissist: Healing Guide from Abuse and PTSD
Empowering empaths in recovery & healing from narcissist abuse and childhood trauma through astrology, experts, self development tools, and calm meditations
I am providing empaths, who are feeling hurt and alone in their journey, a community to awaken their spirituality and intuition, with daily support via email, monthly self care newsletter, and healing workshops. Empowering empaths in recovery & healing from narcissist abuse and childhood trauma through spiritual tools, expert guests, astrology, self development tools, and calm meditations. When it comes to the story of your life, let no one else hold the pen. Healing from PTSD, emotional abuse, havoc on your self worth from the narcissist requires months to years of self care, eft tapping, inner child meditation, self pleasure, self discovery, journaling, and support from professionals and coaches.
This show is energetically educating on narcissism, ridding ourselves from codependent people pleaser tendencies, to find our power and purpose. Topics covered: Childhood trauma, narcissist abuse recovery, mother's who can't love, personal development, self care, childhood trauma, Astrology, tarot card intuitive messages, meditative thoughts, and expert guests sharing different psychology and spiritual healing modalities.
Your host, Raven Scott, is a narcissistic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist and also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Contact for guest speaking http://ravenscott.show/ and FREE Boundaries Workshop
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Raven Scott

Raven Scott is a survivor of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. From people pleaser to kick ass author, podcaster, & mentor, she is a certified meditation teacher and Destiny Coach. She teaches you how to shed people-pleasing patterns one step at a time to find your power & potential through healing so you can kick ass in THIS life. Her focus is to help you tune into your soul’s healing, learning & purpose with intuition, meditations, North Node Medicine & Human Design. Join her in soul-filled podcast community on Facebook. Women Empaths Self Development to Unlock Your Destiny