Episode 110

Are Narcissists Insecure?

Published on: 15th November, 2022
"From the overconfident act, it is hard to see through the narcissist disguise. And their mask they present makes them charming, confident, and successful. But deep down inside the narcissist is hiding a dark secret." - Raven Scott

Even though the narcissistic personality projects out a grandiose sense of self. The driving factor behind this attitude is not confidence, but insecurity. I know, it’s confusing to experience. I explain it all for you in this podcast.

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Here are some key moments:

  • [7:46] A detailed understanding of Narcissists overconfidence through psychology study
  • [11:50] Parable of Snake and Turtle
  • [13:34] Raven's near suicide story
  • [15:49] Unhealthy coping mechanisms
  • [20:59] Can the Narcissist change?

Raven Scott is a Narcissist Abuse Survivor, Spiritual Mentor, Author, and Host of Empath & The Narcissist Podcast.

She helps you learn how to overcome narcissistic abuse, and recover from PTSD, codependency, gaslighting, manipulation. And gain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse.

"My goal is to dispel the narcissists’ power one soul at a time.
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Transcript

You have felt the real pain of your ex partner share their perfect life on social media. And showing off their new partner. The pain you are experiencing, is it infuriating fact that, you know, That image and situation as a complete lie. This is one of their tactics to get back To get you back.

Welcome to the empath and the narcissist podcast where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host, Raven, Scott, your nurturing, or your guide through the darkness. This is episode one, 10 are narcissists insecure. Just a reminder. This episode is for educational purposes only, and it is not a substitute for professional therapy.

If you're enjoying this podcast, hit subscribe and rate and review this podcast. I myself just as the Hindu goddess, Kali and Mesopotamian goddess and Nana have walked through the darkness. Died to myself and ego and ascended to connect with my true, authentic self. Part of that healing journey. I truly benefited from talk therapy.

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Even though the narcissist personally projects out grandiose sense of self, overly confident, the driving factor behind this attitude is not confidence, but insecurity. I know it's confusing. It's confusing to experience because they project all of the errors onto you and all of their flaws onto you. And I start to make you feel and question yourself, am I the narcissist?

And so cunningly, they make you believe that you are insecure when in fact you were the shining, vibrant, independent light that they were attracted. And you do well, we all do. But that means that the narcissist is not immune to insecurities either. You know, we all have insecurities, but they amplify your insecurities to diminish their insecurities, and this is the tricky tactic with narcissistic abuse.

This drives some of us empaths to. Addictions to drugs, to alcohol, and even to thoughts of suicide. This is a real dark force. This is a real serious problem, and we need to speak up about it. We need to address it, and we need to shine the light on this tactic. So you, Dear Empath, beautiful light that you are, Don't dampen it anymore.

Don't feel confused. Don't feel like you're pushed down in the dark depths of the abyss emotionally because you're believing their lies. This is the lies that we need to reveal so that you can be set free, so you can have the power, so you can have your life back, so you can have your identity back and so you can have your power back.

So let me explain. We are all humans. Despite what the narcissist tells themselves and others, we are all humans with the vast range of emotions from fear, insecurity, joy, and confidence. Just because they present overconfident doesn't mean that they're immune to it. In fact, according to a new study by a team of psychology researchers, it's research which offers a more detailed understanding of this long examined phenomenon.

May also explain what motivates the self-focused nature of social media activity. This is a quote from James Dev, nyu. You have felt the real pain of your ex-partner share their perfect life on social. And showing off their new partner. The pain that you are experiencing is the infuriating fact that you know that image and situation is a complete lie.

This is one of their tactics to get back at you. Plus it shows the world and the new supply that they are confident and loving and happy, which is far from the. When in reality they deep down have an insecurity that they will never be able to hold down a long lasting relationship. They may be abandoned.

They are feeling deep insecurities and deep down they probably do have abandonment issues from childhood and running and breaking up is the only way that their insecurities can be kept quiet. Insecurities lead to fear. Fear leads to doom. Fear leads to fight or flight, and this defense mechanism that is in our nervous system, and it's deregulated, it's de deregulated, it's a deregulated nervous system response.

Narcissism is a very thick cloak of denial. Narcissism is a very thick cloak of. The person who has N P D is in denial and always pushing down their insecurities. They're pushing them on you, and the other person in the relationship sees their confidence at face value at first, of course, and takes on all the blame as things progress in the relationship and they take on you, take on the projection, which in turn feeds the receivers in.

Therefore deflecting it from the narcissist is like a mirror, and then you empath are a sponge. You are absorbing everything that they're bouncing off of their mirror and you're taking it on and it's exhausting, and it's depressing, and it's draining and it's physically taxing. Both parties are in denial.

If you are in this and you're like, No, it's fine, I'll fix it. Or they're just hurt, or they're. You know they have childhood trauma. I can be here and love them and support them. You're in denial. They're in denial because they're thinking that this is the only way to run away from their insecurities and fears and to bandaid over and to ignore and numb their pain and their trauma.

So you're both pretending and you're both numbing.

Now, some of you may say no. Raven, what are you talking about? They truly hurt me and did this on purpose and yes, this is their tactic and they did this on purpose. Here is where as the sensitive non NPD person, you must step up and take responsibility for what you can control, which means you can control how to react to their emotional abuse.

You can take it or you can leave after the second time or more. For falling , for taking the blame, for their abuse, for absorbing all our negative emotions and energy and their deflections, and hiding their insecurities in your love thinking that I can fix some attitude.

You now have fed your own insecurities that no one else will love me out there. And they say it over and over to reiterate it because they. That is your biggest fear, but there's a solution to this and it's fairly simple and it's within you. But first, lemme tell you a parable. One day a snake stopped at a riverbank.

He wished to get to the other side. A turtle came along and started to enter the cunning snake called out, Hey, can you gimme a ride on your back? That turtle said, No, you'll bite me. And we'll both drown. The snake said, exactly why would I bite you? We both will drown and I will die too. Come on. That doesn't make any sense.

I won't bite you. I just wish to get across the river. So the turtle thought, and this did make sense, so he let him on his back. Halfway across the snake bit, the turtle on the neck. The turtle said, Hey, why did you do that? Now we both are going to die. And the snake said I couldn't help. It's in my nature, and you can see the parable here.

The lesson here is to go with your first gut response. Go with what you feel immediately. Stop believing the lies. Stop believing the cunning trickery, and if they're not actually actively improving themselves by going to therapy. Reading self-help books, doing all the things that need to be done, and they're just sitting on their butt all the time, deflecting and projecting onto you.

Then they will bite you like the snake every time because it's their subconscious nature. They will backs stab you and they will just drown you. They will keep you pulled into that dark vortex. I know it firsthand, so I hope that you are listening to your empath. I almost myself drowned in that dark vortex on the beach in Tahiti.

Should be the perfect place to have an enjoyable romantic trip. Oh, but no, no. Our issues and his insecurities and his addiction to porn and being numb to real true intimacy. It didn't go away. It followed us to Tahiti, and he projected all of those onto me saying that I'm not beautiful, sexy. I'm too boring.

This is stupid. Why are we doing this? All the things to put me down. And then after all of that, I chase him onto the beach. I drop down on my knees and beg him to stop walking away. I had abandonment. Stop leaving me. Let's just work this out. Why can't we talk about it? And he looked at me and said, You're pathetic.

It was almost like myself talking to myself, but it was him, the mirror, right? Our relationships are our mirrors. And boy was it a dark mirror. He said, You're, you're just speakable. Look at you groveling on your knees. You disgusted me. And he turned around and he walked.

I wanted to end it all right there. I wanted to go back on the porch, enter an entire bottle of vodka and die, so I get it. Dear iPath,

I know your pain. But I'm also on the other side of that abyss and I'm on the side. You can have true love. You can have intimacy. You can have joy, you can have abundance. It's all for you. You just have to stop chasing the snake

That took a different turn than I thought it was going to . I had this whole scripted out, but I'm grateful that that came up because that is what you needed to feel and hear. And Cali and Divine herself, divine mother and father Sky are speaking through me. So unhealthy coping mechanisms of the narcissist are grandiose, flexing So unhealthy coping mechanisms of the narcissist are grandiose, flexing in public, and it disgusts you once you realize what they're doing.

They, they flex on social media. They're warm in public, and they're cold and distant in the privateness of your house. They hide secrets. They freak out at you if you tap into their iPhone or your iPad. Feeling this intuitive hit like there's something up and there's something wrong and something suspicious going on.

Well, they have a lot of secrets to hide. They have a lot of different people they're talking to. They're cheating on you. They're hacking into different people's emails. They're stalking, whatever it is they're doing. It's dark, and that's why they're hiding that secret, unapologetic. They lack empathy. They have no apology for their behavior, for how they make you.

They just don't have the capacity. A true N P D, Okay, we're talking about true N P D. They lack that empathy, avoiding issues. They're cold as ice. They're shut down. They are not open to talking through anything in an intelligent and emotionally elevated level. They're projecting behaviors and insecurities onto another person, close to them, for example.

you get the brunt of all of their abuse. You are in the inner circle of the dark vortex. They have addictions, excessive drug and alcohol use, and possibly even porn consumption and their impulsive spending. They spend it on the most frivolous and unresponsible things. For example, dining out, lavish vacations, gambling, alcohol.

nightclubs, and then you're left to scrape up for food and you're left to scrape coins together for your rent. It's just their coping mechanism that is so unhealthy to hide all of their pain, their trauma, and their insecurities. so this new study used a behavioral metrics called Flex. F L E X captures insecurity driven self conceptualizations that are manifested as impression management leading to self elevating tendencies.

For example, they examined four components. One is impression management. I am going to show off this. Let's see there the quote I'm gonna show off so the public will know I am perfect, amazing, and desirable. End quote. Leave a comment here. DM me. Who does that remind you of? Send an email. Number two, the need for social validation.

It matters that I am seen at important levels. End. This is why you find narcissist in positions of leadership, power, politics, and religion. Number three, self elevation. I am so smart. End. Quote, I have exquisite taste, end quote. The flexing and lack of humility is the narcissist talent. Number four, social dominance.

I like knowing more than the other person. I like knowing more than other people end whether they pour their time and energy into reading and research, or studying human behavior, or even gloat about reading the encyclopedia when they're a. These are all just different ways. This is a necessary tool that allows them to manipulate and rise up in power and dominance covertly.

These all build their false sense of self-worth suppressing their inner insecurities. The outside proof is how they monitor and show others. They are in high regard and worthy of attention. It is an unhealthy self-esteem meter that magnifies their insecurity when the mask cracks.

This is why the narcissist retaliates and verbally abuses at the smallest of triggers. It is to vehemently defend their house of cards, ego being on the receiving end of. Is tumultuous and simply painful. If you have been berated and gased for saying your truth or being just you, it is time to consider to distance yourself and to get this person out of your life

Hmm. And no matter what you. I support you dear Empath. Either way, you choose. I'll support you when you succeed. I'll support you when you fall forward. Your journey is your own Can the narcissist change? Narcissist insecurities? Do not go away overnight, just as you work on your insecurities through self development practices and self love and spiritual work.

That is what they need to do, and are they doing it? Probably not true. N PD will not go to therapy, will not work on it. Doesn't think anything's wrong with them. The narcissist would need to be willing to go to therapy weekly and stay in therapy for decades, if not more in order to change. This is a conditional subconscious neuron.

Behaviors that has been locked in since childhood for you in your current situation, even if they do change, the process is long and hard. It is up to you if you wish to stay with them, but if you have not seen any action in their self-improvement or going to therapy, then what they are telling you are lies just for you to stay.

Why do they want you to stay? Well, because it's comfortable, because you provide food, you provide care, you provide shelter that they need. Imagine if you left tomorrow and disappeared. How would they survive? Would they be homeless? Would they be carless? Would they be food less? Because you also are their possess.

they possess you now like a toy. So there's like a dual, like they need you physically cuz they're lazy, not successful, can't hold on a job, et cetera, or don't want a job. , and emotionally you are their possession. Now you are like a toy. And if you leave, that is a personal affront to their own ego saying, No, I am amazing.

Right? This gets back into their insecurities. You leave me. That's a trigger in me that I am not worthy and I'm abandoned again, and all these insecurities and fears. So they will do whatever they can to keep you. They will intimidate you. They will kill your dog in front of you. They will. You know, verbally assaults you.

They will be coming and covert and they will love bomb you. They will tell you all of the things that you wish to hear right in your head. You're like, If he doesn't say these things, I'm walking out and they go, Oh shit. She's walking out. So I gotta say all these things because they know you intimately enough to know this is what you desire.

They don't wanna actually do it. They don't wanna actually be that person, but they don't want you to leave. Because of all their insecurities, and that's not your responsibility. True N P D doesn't care for your emotional wellbeing. It only consumes, It only sucks your energy. It only imprisons. You seek professional help for your personal journey out of the narcissist grass.

This is not an easy road and it is not a light. gain spiritual and emotional guidance through my How Tole the Narcissist Workshop. And remember, always, always know that it is safe to speak your truth. It may not feel it right now, and maybe in this abusive relationship, it is not safe to speak your truth.

This is why you need to. , but the divine wants you to speak your truth. The the divine wants you to live authentically as you truly are, as you truly be. I can't really find the right English terminology in words. The divine just wants you to be you, and you can't be you with the narcissist, the scoffing.

That they present when you speak your truth, when you've tried to. I get that. Yeah. Those are all just, they're limited beliefs and they're trying to diminish your power. They're diminishing your truth,

but they cannot diminish your light. And your light is what's going to set you free. Your power and your courage is going to set you. And I'll share in a future episode. I believe I'll be doing this in episode one 13, talking about the ancient tales of narcissists, the origins of narcissism, and how there is this untold part of the story.

It is his lover, and her name is Echo. That's another really powerful message, and I can't wait to share that with.

So again, no matter what you choose, I support you. I am here for you with this podcast, with my book, with my workshops, and remember, dear empath, always keep your unique light shining.

You enjoyed this episode.

Rate and review. And, you know, everything is spread through trust and by word So if you feel like you have. A friend or you come into contact with someone that is sharing with you some information. Information that you feel this really could help make sure that you share it. You can text it on over. You can share it to your stories on your socials.

You can. Share it by word of mouth.

All the ways it is important to continue to spread this light and love out World to make sure we all have the tools to heal from our childhood wounds. From our trauma. So we can live our best And most evolved to lives.

See you next episode.

Madhvi is helping people release Baggage breaking negative patterns and finding the root causes with the emotion and body code. Visit www dot Madhvi dot CA. That's M a D H V I dot. Dot CA. I can personally attest that this is an amazing way to heal trauma out that you can't do with meditation. And.

Thought therapy and talk therapy and all the things. So. Reach out to her and A free 30 minute consultation to see if That can help you.

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The theme of trauma to triumph is a collective theme and seems to be reoccurring in so many of these beautiful Emmett's. The goal for this summit is to learn how to heal your heart from trauma by using purposeful journaling.

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I am one of these guest speakers and I share about the five stages of forgiveness and the energetic similarities between end paths and narcissists. And so many more amazing topics are in this summit.

The best part is it's totally free. There's more, I'd love to tell you about the summit, but I'll let you check out all the details for yourself in the link in the show notes. You get your free ticket for trauma to triumph summit today. Transform your childhood trauma into triumph during this a free event, unlock Michael and our special guests, exact blueprints to not just survive in a trauma filled world, but to transform trauma into triumph. In your life. Career and relationships, family, and secure your future.

Save your free seat while you still can. Click the link in the show notes to join the free transformation week. Starting December 13th. Through 17th. Michael is calling this unbroken con.

Join him for this free transformational event.

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About the Podcast

Empath And The Narcissist: Healing Guide from Abuse and PTSD
Empowering empaths in recovery & healing from narcissist abuse and childhood trauma through astrology self care, experts, self development tools, and calm meditations
Grab your FREE How to Defeat the Narcissist Audio Gift http://ravenscott.show ... I am providing empaths, who are feeling hurt and alone in their journey, a community to awaken their spirituality and intuition, with daily support via email, monthly astrological self care newsletter, and healing workshops. Empowering empaths in recovery & healing from narcissist abuse and childhood trauma through spiritual tools, expert guests, energy healing, self development tools, and calm meditations. When it comes to the story of your life, let no one else hold the pen. Healing from PTSD, emotional abuse, havoc on your self worth from the narcissist requires months to years of self care, eft tapping, inner child meditation, self pleasure, self discovery, journaling, and support from professionals and coaches.
This show is energetically educating on narcissism, ridding ourselves from codependent people pleaser tendencies, to find our power and purpose. Topics covered: Childhood trauma, narcissist abuse recovery, mother's who can't love, personal development, self care, childhood trauma, Astrology, tarot card intuitive messages, meditative thoughts, and expert guests sharing different psychology and spiritual healing modalities.
Your host, Raven Scott, is a narcissistic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist and also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Get your FREE Boundaries Workshop http://ravenscott.show/free-workshop
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Raven Scott

Raven Scott is a survivor of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. From people pleaser to kick ass author, podcaster, & mentor, she is a certified meditation teacher and Destiny Coach. She teaches you how to shed people-pleasing patterns one step at a time to find your power & potential through healing so you can kick ass in THIS life. Her focus is to help you tune into your soul’s healing, learning & purpose with intuition, meditations, North Node Medicine & Human Design. Join her in soul-filled podcast community on Facebook. Women Empaths Self Development to Unlock Your Destiny