Episode 111

How to Heal Trauma From Narcissism Using Shadow Work

Published on: 17th November, 2022
If you’ve been programmed by a narcissist, they’re leaving all of those wounds wide open. So they could just come back at any time and press that wound, and boom, you’re triggered, and boom, you’re triggered. The key is deal with the button. Because if you can deal with the buttons, now you are in control.” — Steven Twohig Ep 111 Empath and the Narcissist podcast

We’ve all been there before. Whether it was a childhood experience or something more recent, we know how painful it can be to deal with past traumas. But if you’re stuck in an abusive relationship, it can feel impossible to heal from the pain.

But, shadow work is a powerful tool that can help people overcome emotional wounds and move forward in life. It involves working on healing old hurts by looking at the parts of yourself that were damaged during the abuse.

In this episode, our guest Steve Twohig will show you how to use shadow work to help you heal trauma from narcissism.

If you’re dealing with narcissistic abuse, you might find it difficult to trust anyone again. You might also struggle with feeling worthless and unlovable. This can make it hard to form healthy relationships.

Instagram: @steventwohig @ravenscottshow

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Here are some key moments:

  • [6:44] The Root of Narcissism
  • [8:24]The Shadow Deflection
  • [12:22] How the Mind Works
  • [15:21] Why the Narcissist Lashes out
  • [16:22]We are all empaths
  • [24:24] Your suffering is sacred
  • [48:42] Why Empaths stay with Narcissist
It’s about letting go. Softening and healing, versus hardening and retreating. Open you hands to receive. Healing through your shadow work is about opening up and letting go of whatever story your ego has created, so that you may receive healthy, true love.

Steven Twohig is the Founder of Mastering Change. He has committed himself to mastering the art of transformation. While seeking to heal from trauma inflicted while just a toddler, Steven was introduced to the practice of shadow work in April of 2000, leading to a lifelong study and what he believes is a path to enlightenment. Steven spent a decade working for and studying under the world’s leading business and life strategist, Tony Robbins. Currently, he is studying the impact of shadow work on psychedelic integration. He focuses on bridging the gap between traditional plant medicine and the western mind.

https://masteringchange.com/ 

https://www.facebook.com/OfficialStevenTwohig 



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Transcript
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Over 20% of your chloric intake is managing the brain. Welcome to the empath and the narcissist podcast where you regain your sparkle back after narcissistic abuse. I am your host, Raven, Scott, your nurturing, or your guide through the darkness. This is episode

111, how to heal childhood trauma through shadow work with Steven Twohig just a reminder. This episode is for educational purposes only, and it is not a substitute for professional therapy.

If you're enjoying this podcast, hit subscribe and rate and review this podcast. I myself just as the Hindu goddess, Kali and Mesopotamian goddess and Nana have walked through the darkness. Died to myself and ego and ascended to connect with my true, authentic self. Part of that healing journey. I truly benefited from talk therapy.

This is why I specifically chose out of all the sponsors out there. Better help. This episode is sponsored by better help and better help offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help you. It allows you to talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience. With a broad range of expertise and better helps 20,000 plus therapists network. It will give you access to help that you need that may not be available in your area.

Finding a therapist is easy. Just fill out the questionnaire to help assess your specific needs. And then you get matched with a therapist and under a 48 hours. Everything you share is completely confidential and therapy. Joined the 3 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced better help.

Therapist. Get 10% off your first month@betterhelp.com forward slash empath. That's better. H E L p.com forward slash E M P a T H. And the link is in the show notes. Claim all the offerings and transformational workshops that we offer an hour. Studio. In the link in the show notes as well@ravenscott.show forward slash shop.

We've all been there before, whether it was a childhood experience or something more recent. We know how painful it can be to deal with past traumas. But if you're stuck in an abusive relationship, It can feel impossible to heal from the pain. Shadow work is a powerful tool that can help people overcome emotional wounds and move forward in life. It involves working on a healing old hurts by looking at the parts of yourself that were damaged during the abuse. And this Our guest, Steve TwoHIG we'll show you how to use shadow work to help you heal trauma from narcissism. If you're dealing with narcissistic abuse, you might find it difficult to trust anyone again. You might also struggle with feelings of worthlessness and

unlovability. This can make it hard to form healthy relationships. But there is hope and there is a path out of this darkness. And this. Lack of trust. And this uncertainty. Step-by-step through the dark. We will guide you To see your light. And to see the beauty and joy. On the other side.

Our guest. Shares with us. What is shadow work and myths and misconceptions about it? And, , we also talked about how he uncovered his narcissistic tendencies and healed them.

And also how the collective can unnumb from our impath abilities. This was a powerful conversation. I do. I remember just. Having a lot of aha moments and mind blowing moments. So I am looking forward to sharing. This episode with you, dear empath.

ce of shadow work in april of:

Leading to a lifelong study in what he believes is the path to enlightenment. Steven spent a decade working for and studying under the world, leading business and life strategist, Tony Robbins. He wanted to blend shadow work with business strategy, integration and implementation. Tony commissioned him to interview over 10,000 business leaders worldwide to determine what made them successful and help thousands transform their businesses to be more productive and strategic.

Currently, he is studying the impact of shadow work on psychedelic integration. He focuses on bridging the gap between traditional plant medicine and Western mind. And tending to bring the insights and innovation that plant medicine provides to everyone who wants more out of their lives. He is an international speaker and has traveled worldwide teaching a blend of strategy, shadow work, and spirituality. He has extensive study in mindfulness mindset, business optimization, shadow work, and facilitation. Neuro-linguistic programming. On hypnotherapy.

Group dynamics, peak performance.

And unconscious community. Communication Through this work, he has formulated a specific framework for understanding the human experience and is currently training other guides to spread the practice. And without further ado, let's get into the conversation.

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But before we get into that, I wanted to hear a bit about you and, , what your childhood story and or your backstory, if we could start with that.

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Most people get into relationships not because of the things they want. They get into relationships for their limitations. I need somebody to take care of me in this area. So I unconsciously build that and now I'm coming to the relationship to take, cuz I'm looking for it to comp the Jerry McGuire.

If I hear I at least love Jerry McGuire, but that lie you complete.

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What's in here is. I can think more things can happen in my head than that could ever that go wrong, that could ever go wrong out here. More things that could go right in my head that can ever go in here. What's in here is way bigger than what's out there. And that's because the solution is in here.

It's not out there. And so when I'm looking out there for the solution I find that narcissist at some level, my shadow is calling out to their shadow and we come together. When I was three years old,

I was physically tor.

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I just just didn't put up with it. So he just put up a wall, with my toxic, it would just go into this horrible, toxic argument. So yeah, it's like digging into the shadow and being able to recognize that there is a piece of view that is a narcissistic tendencies not to label yourself a narcissist, right?

People always question. Am I the narcissist? Cause that's typically their game too. But just to recognize that it's in your shadow and if you're already asking, then you can heal it. So with your story. That was

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Of course I am. That's and so because they're pointing at that, it then leaves the door open for me to sink down back into my, for me at shame.

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I always believed I wasn't worthy of love because of this betrayal. She locked in my loser status and I truly believed I was ugly and no one would love me.

An excerpt from my book. Grab my book now or listen to it on Audible. It's called Empath and the Narcissist. It's a healing guide on how to overcome narcissistic abuse, recovering PTSD codependency, and gaslighting manipulation.

And so every aspect right now in your life where you feel stagnant, where you feel like it doesn't work, create a new idea. Create a new idea that is more in alignment with your highest excitement, your higher heart chakra, right? We listen to your heart in the higher heart. Ask your highest self for. And ask your self to show you the timeline that excites you more.

ul will end all other. March,:

sterclass, you'll receive the:

Plus spiritual practices, meditations, and rituals to integrate your soul into this body. With Raven Scott. Claim your Soul Integration Masterclass now for only $223 before November 23rd. Now back to the show.

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It's, it's a lie. But we all lied. My work with iowaska mother, aa, second ceremony all the way down, she said all the way down to the very core of it. It's all story, all the way down to the very G of God. And it's all story. The problem is it's a necessary story. You're not really seeing the color red, You're not really seeing white, like what seeand what I see aren't the same thing, and you're not really seeing it.

Your eye is converting it into dots and dashes and then restructuring it inside the mind. It's re, it's taking that dot and dash and converting it into thought. And so that's what's happening. But that thought is then filtered through all of the stories and all the meaning that I've made up of my world.

And when I make up the meaning that once I've made a meaning, the mind wants to take meaning. That's what the mind is built to make meaning like that's the design in the very core of it. If you look at who we are as humans, our we are walking trees. Our fruit is meaning. That's what we build, is we build meaning and we, when we look out here in the material world, what we're really seeing is just meaning.

That's already been made. It's thoughts have been th. At such a deep level by so many people that it was created out here in the real world. That's what really go all the way down in the very quantum physics of it and what is material world. But we won't go there. We'll just stick at the very basics of it.

I make meaning, and then my mind wants to take that meaning that thought, that's already th and it wants to make it automated. Because thoughts that I've already thk are like building blocks that I can use to stand on to make different meaning on top of that meaning and layers and layers of condensed, we call it the default mode network.

I take this meaning and I zip it into a zip file, and then I take that zip file and I put it back here. And then anything out here again, the mine seems songs if I go if you're just sitting there, you're not thinking about it, and then all of a sudden in your reality, It just happened in Your mind completed that song, didn't it? You're you, As soon as that happens. So if I come by, if, for me, when I was three years old, I was trapped in the basement by my step monster. She beat me, she starved me. She pulled my hair out, like it was torture for a length of time.

And so the mind at that, that far down, that far back there, the meaning that you're trapped in a. Now I'm, 40 years old, 50 years old, and I'm no longer in that basement. I'm talking to my wife about what we're gonna have for dinner. How come I've always got to pick notice. Rooted in that trap, rooted in that coming out of the, in my mind, it was like, I'm, she's trying to trap, Why are you trying to trap me in this basement?

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Like just go into your day. And look at the past week, the past month, the past year. Isn't it true that you're thinking the same thoughts? You've been thinking they've just changed flavor. Same thing. Same D, same. Same thought, different frequency, different. It might be dressed different, but it's the same concept, the same meaning that's been made well.

They also suggest they, They suggest 95% of them are repetitive, but , 80% of your thoughts at a minimum are negative

Attack. Thoughts, awfulizing, negative biases, 24 cognitive biases that the mind. Deals with to try to make meaning in this outside world, and they're rooted in just navigating this formless void that we found ourselves in.

And the problem is most of us have been hobbled before we even knew we could walk. So I'm not gonna let you anywhere near that pain. And not only am I not gonna get you near that pain, I'm gonna keep that pain behind me, and then it's gonna come outta me. And then I'm gonna project on you that you're trying to trap me, and then I'm gonna react out of that.

And when I react out of that, the way that you filter it in your mind is it's coming into you. You have to filter it through all of your. Looking glass and I'll through all your beliefs, so by the time it gets in here, it doesn't look like a little boy trapped in the basement. It looks like a man screaming at his wife, a man, this, that, or the other.

It looks completely different on this side because you're not seeing the three year old little boy trapped in the basement. That's not who you're looking at.

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Like they've pulled you down.

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So I'm feeling something and then the mind goes, What does that mean? And I look through the lens of that pain to try to find where it's at. And I'm always gonna find something. What's wrong is always available. So I'm looking through this meaning and now, so what happens is I see the little boy, Yeah. And then I don't see the little boys getting it.

I go, Oh, that's cuz I'm not good enough. He's not seeing and now is the , unconscious empath that I can be, The root word for human being in Arabic is to forget. It's not that I've learned this and now I operate that. No I'm just as blind. I go blind and I run into stuff and I go, Oh, that's right.

That's not my, that's not my emotion. That's their emotion. That's not for me. That's for them. I'm able to separate my work from their work. I still go to sleep at the wheel. 22 years I've been doing this work and I'm still asleep at the wheel, but I'm waking up more and more every. I have to remind myself and give myself permission and go, Wait a minute.

Am I first, I have to start off with what is the root? , am I coming from fear or am I coming from love? Am I focused on the circumstance? Am I fo I have to navigate? I have to learn because what it is I'm blind. Call it a dark night of the soul, a d nots. And when I'm trapped in a D, not I have to learn to navigate from something other than. Even though if he's in shadow, here's the deeper, here's the deeper pill. Raven. If that narcissist is in shadow, then what is the likelihood that I'm in shadow

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It's a chemical. And I'm trying to compensate. And so what it allows me to do when I see them trigger me, I see them trigger. I'm like, Okay, what's going on in me? What's going on in me? And why have I found myself in this situation to where I've come into contact with this person that's incapable.

They're taking, all they do is take narcissist takes.

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no big But

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Maybe I need to them more. Maybe I need to do this. And that's exactly what they tell you. And then you believe it cuz you're thinking the same thing. And your shadow is playing with their shadow and it's making this

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Once they see the part of them that's wounded and we find, we help them close the circuitry in it to where they can see, Oh, I'm looking out here for this to try to solve this wound in here. Once they see that, they're able to actually see where they're holding on and do their own healing, all of a sudden they'll find themselves in the space with this narcissist who was unconscious.

I believe the first law of shadow integration is that we lie to ourselves first. Like when you're working on your shadow, you have to understand, we lie to ourselves first. The narcissist doesn't know they're narc.

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We think they're lying to us. They're not lying to you. They think they, they believe the thing that many times they believe that thing that they're telling you. Not always, but many times.

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It doesn't. I was, when I'm talking, when I'm working with a client, I was now watch in your life for the narcissists, cuz those narcissists will push that button in you and you and you'll notice it cuz it won't hit you anymore. Cuz you'll get underneath it. You'll go, Oh, that's why I keep, Oh, I'm doing this because that because yes.

And for a while, that default mode network cracks open and then they push that button and you'll see 'em sit back and all of a sudden go, you'll see 'em kind of come awake and they'll hit the button a couple times. They might even tap it a couple times. As you know you, Something's working. Something's working cuz that button's not triggering me anymore.

And you're noticing who's asleep at the wheel. All you people are taking, aren't you? You're all a bunch of narcissists. Not saying not to be around narcissists from, Not from a I'm not, again, I'm not a therapist. I'm not, I don't have the ability to label anybody. I don't have the label. I don't have any answers.

I just got a bunch of questions.

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if you've read any, like with tiko, if you haven't, W I t I K O, it's called the Mind Virus.

This mind virus has been stuck in the Western mind for quite a while. This narcissist narcissistic selfishness that we as a society have been a virus that's been programmed in the mind for me. So when you say where are you, focus, notice where you're focused on. And more than noticing that, noticing the flavor of it, you, you see it all the time, You.

You stop at the stop light, the guy in front of you, the light turns green, then turns yellow and turns red, and you just start screaming at your windshield as if somehow that guy's going oh man. No, you don't hear people screaming at you in their windshield. Why would they hear you? But here you are, and noticing that.

And what is the expectation? What do you think is happening? Are they victimizing. Are they perpetrating you? Are they like, are they holding you back? Are they pushing you forward? What is the feeling when you go into the focus of it, you wanna look for the pattern. Cause again, 95% of your thoughts, you're thinking that everybody's out to get you.

Yes. But specifically cuz if you miss by an inch, you miss by a mile. We wanna know what you're holding onto. What is the frame that you're, that, that suffering, that, that focus. Cuz our, wherever our consciousness will take on the con, the shape of whatever container I put. So if I'm focused on pain, guess what?

I'm gonna get

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100%.

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I finally being able to say, Look, this is what I do. I we go past the mind and we're gonna touch you. We go right down to the very G of God. That's what we're looking for. Cuz when Carl Young said it best, he said, When you go past the mind, you go past the problem and you reach something spiritual, what he called the newness, which is that it's a technical term for saying the spiritual because there's so many loaded.

We talk about God, there's so many loaded, the newness. When I go, when I reach into the Newmans, the problem in and of itself becomes Newman. And what he is saying there without saying is that your suffering is sacred. What that means is , when I go into the places where I feel constrict So that you can connect with this part of you, your access. So that you can navigate your world from here cuz you know Raven, you are the center of your universe again, you look at those emotions when you really see as you see.

I think there's three, but I can grab onto right now. I can grab onto two. We have the expansive thoughts, love, curiosity, joy. Be wonderment. Like those are all, they take my consciousness and they, I can now see more. Oh, look at that. I'm in love. Look at the trees. Look at the flowers. But if you're angry, it takes your conscious, like a camera lens.

And all you can think of is that stuff that makes you angry. If you're scared, all you can think of, it's a focus. It focuses your consciousness in. So it's like looking for when I find myself focused in and stepping back and going, What's going on in here? We're taught not to do that. We're taught to solve that through out here.

Go buy yourself a new car. Go buy yourself a new home. Take this pill, do this, do that. And instead of doing that, go in and go, Wait a minute. What is the nature? What is the purpose? What is the flavor of my. Give myself permission to sit in my suffering. And what I find is, God, there's something in there cuz I go, Wow.

I, we call it the weekend of, Wow, we have these weekends we put on you go to shadow ceremony.com. There's these weekends that we put on where we go dive down into the very core of the shadow like we're talking. It's amazing what comes up there and we're going through that to get into the Newman that we call it this Your Sacred Well.

So that you can connect with this part of you, your access. So that you can navigate your world from here cuz you know Raven, you are the center of your universe. Like the story of you is the story you're telling. You don't know any of the software that is, the mind doesn't know any story other than the one it's telling right now, which is Raven. You're in that you don't know. The story that I'm telling is Stephen two completely different. And I think it would, I think it really, when you wanna see God, these two completely different stories and somehow even in like we call it shadow boxing, they just line up and somehow it's my reality looks real.

Your reality looks real, and together the two comes together and they form this and they just line up.

It's

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No

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Come on, girl. Get up. You gotta get this. You don't want these people to see you that way, do you? You gotta get up. Let's go. And you bully yourself

and it works. What do you do? Once you get done with that difficult task that you bullied yourself into? What's the first thing that you're trained to do? Give yourself a little attaboy. Great job, Raven. Great job.

And

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Over 20% of your chloric intake is managing the brain. The just so it wants to conserve energy, thoughts that have funk are cheaper than thoughts that have to be think.

So we're gonna thought, So if I have a system where I bullied myself and it worked, and you said, Good job, Raven, the mind goes, Oh, she loved that.

Use that everywhere. Do you know that one problem where she sits at three o'clock in the morning, she shames herself, load that problem, load that software, that algorithm there as well. So first off, all the people at home. I am Now I'm done with the bully Witiko. And done. We're gonna shut that door,

Right?

We're gonna shut that door in our minds. And where we're gonna start is not only when we're bullying ourselves, when we're shaming ourselves, but look at where you bully yourself and it works. And see the insanity. First off, it's like wiping before you poop you, you still, you're gonna stink. You're gonna have a rash, and at the end of the day, nobody's gonna hang around you, right?

Cause you're bullying yourself and you're getting what you want.

How are you getting. So when you get to that place where you find you catch yourself, we got the root word for human being is to forget. When you remember and you're in that and you hear that in theater, I call in the now, in the subjective experience of your story, you hear in your head, like right now, if you're listening, just go, Hello again.

Say hello in your mind. Yeah, somebody's up there and they're talking to you. And that person never shuts up. And many times that person is a. And when it works and we tell ourselves it works, then we go use it in areas that we know we're struggling in. And that's the, We're gonna stop doing that.

We're gonna stop the bullying right here. This is my mission. If I, if you don't ever get anything from me, don't do that anymore. Cause when you do that over there, it gives you permission to do it when you don't want, when you're not, when it's not gonna work. And that's when we're suffering, when we can see the suffering.

So you see that it's working over here, that shadow as. That shadow as well. But it works. And we give ourselves permission, especially in today's world because we're in Striver driver. And so when we accomplish like that and we go, Oh, that worked. Oh goody. And so that's why you see these successful people taking themselves cuz they've bullied themselves all the way down the road and now they got down to the end of the road and they're successful and they still don't feel as though they've reached.

Can't tell you the number of business leaders that I talked to that are successful, that are.

This is one of those reasons. Let's shut

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you it to your.

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And if you've been lived with a narcissist, if you've been programmed by a narcissist,

Is they're leaving all of those wounds wide open. So they could just come back at any time and press that wound, and boom, you're triggered, and boom, you're triggered. The key is not to, it's to confront the narcissist.

I think that needs to happen. Wake up, you need to do your work, but more importantly, let's do our work. Let's deal with the button. Because if I can deal with the buttons, now I'm in control. We've forgotten that we are the medicine, that I am the gift that I am the one that I've been waiting for. And I think it's the narcissist.

And it's not that narcissist is incapable of supporting me in any, It's not their fault and it's our responsibility to, We are, I am my primary relat. Nobody can take care of me but me. I got to start with where I'm at. I'm inside this skin. I'm in this life. I have to serve myself first. If I can't serve myself, I can't serve you.

This is a big one. It's get off the cross people. We need the wood like you're not helping anything by you doing that. You think you are. That's, but that's what you've been programmed by the other narcissist and by this narcissistic society. That's the TCO virus coming.

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I don't need to put up with this anymore. can either draw a boundary, can go gray rock, you can walk away, you can go no contact. You can literally block the number. It took me years after I left his number. I had reason to be in contact with him or his mother, but I just kept holding on to that little of control I have to know what he's doing, so I

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And for nine years, she beat, he beat this woman and he would spray paint the C word on her walls and break all the windows, break all the silver, all the dishes, and then would make her lay down in bed beside him as. The hate that she was not allowed to. She would process and now we feel hate. And I'm not allowed to feel the hate cause I'm told that the hate is bad.

So then what do I have to this energy? This energy is there, it's gotta go somewhere. Where am I gonna use it? I'm gonna internalize it. I'm gonna internalize it. I'm gonna look for you to make sure I'm gonna keep as far away, keep you as far away from that button as possible. Until I go in and look at that, then I'm gonna continually react to it.

And now she's reprogramming. She's reprogramming herself so that these buttons no longer do the same things so that she can come from love. And I think what I really think is that reminds me of oh, what's that show with the coffee guy? Steve, Stephen King and the The Green Mile. The Green Mile, if you've ever seen The Green Mile, when that he's talking about what had happened and the guy said, the guy broke into the house and he said he grabbed one of the twins and he said, You come with me or I'll kill.

You say anything, I'll kill her. You say anything, I'll kill her. And Frank and coffee said he killed him with her love. I think this is what, unconsciously, I think this is what narcissists do. They find that piece, that talk that you talked about, that I'm a three year old little boy and they kill you with, They kill you with your love.

The very thing that is, and again, a half truth is more dangerous than a full online Yes. That, that you love, but it's being able to love yourself first. And I have shadow that tells me that I'm unov.

I have shadow that tells me that I'm lovable. All the narcissist in my life have to do is ping that unlovable shadow and then go into this other piece where I'm a three year old and then I'm gonna give up any power that I have to this person to try to help them.

Cuz I want to feel loved

unconsciously

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What I'm doing is I'm trying to get love from him,

It, whatever it is, people place things, events himself, right? So I go to get something from them. And in that space, are you giving or are you in your giving? In my giving, that what I was really doing was. Even that in and of itself, now we've entered into, now it's a symbiotic, narcissistic relationship.

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That's what it's gonna, everybody online listening is gonna

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And all of a sudden I've closed off, haven't I? So if I've gotta take, there's no way that I'm gonna be able to experience that. It's just not possible. The only way for me to experience love is by giving.

As as empaths, we know this in our core, we know this. The problem is we're not conscious of what we. So we have to unknow some things so that we can relearn again. The illiterate of our age is not gonna be the person who can't read or write. It's the person that can't learn, unlearn, and then relearn again.

And that's what we're doing with shadow integration. They call it, some people call it shadow work.

It's, it is a lot of different terms for it. You go into every spiritual tradition, every religion, the Buddhist you could pick up a book called Feeding Your Demonn. They've been doing, there's a process. It's a tactical process. For thousands of years, they've been doing this one kick for shadow work, for working on the shadow.

And it's been, it's called Feeding your Demonn. You actually feed yourself to your Demonn, and what you find out is that demon is there to. It's there. It's there to, It's there to support you. The problem is it's, I've stopped listening to something and so it comes online to protect me. It's protecting me for myself, and I don't know it cause I'm not listening, cuz I've typically got some other suffering that I'm managing.

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We're so super

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time. But,

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What's happening in 10 years is now happening in one. Just think of covid and everything. The riots, the me Too movements. All that stuff happened just over, like we're. Coming into another thing and those things like this, the velocity of changes fed up. And so the mind is trying to compensate for that by, by making meaning faster and by accessing deeper and deeper layers of meaning.

Because it's gotta make a, you gotta be able to, you gotta be able to decide quickly. Otherwise, again, thank you mind for these again, all it's all story all the way down the G of God. It's all a lie, but it's a necessary lie. It's an important lie. They're all important. Otherwise, I get hit by a.

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Like this. Just natural disasters, natural things, multiple stages of

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think about it though, Raven, we're not, The earth isn't spinning that slowly. The earth is spinning through the universe at a thousand miles an hour right now.

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And for 3.5 million years, it's been deleting and distorting and generalizing information because it's all about evolution. Like when you look at a tree has consciousness. It breathes, it moves. You're not seeing a tree, you're seeing a representation of a tree that for over 3.5 million years, has made an imprint in consciousness so that we can survive the Donald Hoffman is a neuroscientist who's gone in and showed that our, it's not the species that can take in the most information that will thrive.

It's the species that can make take in the least amount of information to make a decision. It's like when you play a video game, you go around, you hit everything. No, you're gonna go like Super Mario Brothers. You ever play Super Mario? I'm dating myself now. Super Mario Brothers.

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You, you go right. You know how to zip right through, don't you?

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I don't need to pay attention to any of that. You know exactly what to do. 3.5 million years of that we've gotten to where we're not seeing what's really going on. The problem is that's a fractal representation of what goes on. Now, I also do that in my mind as well. I push everything to the mechanical because everything is a fr representation of every, I push everything to the mechanical in my life as well, and I'm living out these stories.

These Joseph Campbell called them Heroes Journeys, and there's this frame for the story that's been loaded in each and every one of you. If you're sitting and suffering right now, ask yourself, are you in the third. Is there a story that you've ever heard that's been worth telling? Is there a story that you've ever watched that didn't have some dark night of the soul where that person went down into the very depths of pain and suffering and pulled out of themselves something that could have never come without going out into that dark night of the soul?

Yes. Okay. What if that is you right now and what is it that you're pulling out? What is the decision that needs to be made from this point of time? And what if you were to stand in your power and come from your access? Muny, the center of your universe is you and made a decision through you and not at you?

See what that would change?

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Why were you not implementing? You told me this is what you needed to do. You knew this is what you needed to do, but you didn't do it. Why did you not do it well da. And then basically it was, I was not putting one foot in front of the. Integration is key. Insight without integration becomes a dream.

You have to, it becomes insanity. I start to tell myself, that's not real, cuz the mind wants to keep you just here. What the mind does is don't move left. Don't move right. Stay right here cuz it knows that you're safe right here. And that's what it's built for is survival.

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You, you don't need to say a word in the court and the nurses, cuz they all his lies, whatever it is that you need to do in this situation. Yeah.

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It's changing. Men are waking up. Keep hitting us on the tip of the nose when you can with the newspaper. Ladies please, we need to wake up. But the, and I'm not talking about the, I'm not talking about going into the toxicity. I'm talking about continue to support us as we wake up kind of thing, right?

But it's still a mo male dominated world and men are still praying on women. And so a lot of times what you're seeing in these situations is that a fractal version, a very deep, dark version of that. It's okay, when you get outta that, when you come outta that hole, why? Why am I stuck here?

Maybe you're stuck here so that you can get out so that you can help others do the same, because when you get out of that, what I know, again, every movie, every story, go in your life and look and see if it's true. Raven, isn't it true that every difficult journey you've had to go through, When you were going through it, it was like, I can't, I'm not good enough.

I'm never gonna be able to get this. And when you came through that D nots, that dark night of the soul, that ordeal something in, you came alive, something in came through you, that is you, that is more you. It's it's not that it wasn't you before, but more of you is woken up. You're more conscious now.

You're more awake, you're more stable. It's go the only way out is.

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Like what? Who I

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Cause many times we will do something for somebody we love long before we do it for ourselves. Do it so that it can be.

Do it so that you don't have to sit back and suffer anymore. Do it because it's just because you've got the power in you and just approved yourself that you have the power in you, if nothing else, or to, and if none of that.

And you're still stuck in the insanity of loving and all the, cuz it's a, it's like a, it's like a pretzel. It's I love him, but I hate him and I need to get away from him. He's toxic and he's like all that. If nothing else, do it because you love the narcis. Because by you sitting in that hole and remaining being trapped, you're not helping them at all.

You're not helping them at all. You're perpetuating more and they're in pain. They are probably in more pain than you could ever know. And it's not your job to take care of that pain. It's their job. And by you taking on their pain and by you allowing them to project their pain on you, what you're doing is you're keeping them in the, And I don't want to, I don't wanna victim shame here.

That's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to say that I'm trying to get those people that are capable of seeing this little, those little nuance that if they, if allow themselves to stand up and no longer do that, then that person that's in that pain can start the.

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And that's you.

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And it's up to him. He can decide or not, and he definitely just made his decision,

and wallowed in his misery all by himself. I was done wallowing in his misery with him.

I

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Super puffy. He

Relied on alcohol than I get. His mom thought he was doing drugs. I was like, I dunno, I'm not with him. I don't know what he is doing. , like she was

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Yeah.

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And by no longer giving him a punching bag, he's then gotta take that punching where he really feels like he needs to take it, which is. He's internally suffering and not always, I don't know. Again, I have no dog in the hunt. That's not it. But what I've noticed is when I remove all of the outside, all the outside stimulus to project on my stuff, then all I'm left with is my stuff.

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There's no other way to do.

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We're robbing them from their experience.

robbing them for their lesson. Have you ever heard the old, the saying, the beatings will continue until the morale improves? It's, Haven't you noticed that? Every time we're in life, we're keep learning the same lessons over and over until those lessons are learned, and then we can move on to the next lesson.

How do you know this isn't the lesson that he needs to learn, and how are you perpetuating him not learning that lesson by not allowing him to fill the full brunt of what it is he's going? I'm not telling you to let to divorce anybody telling you not to. I don't have any answers for you. What I'm saying is look at your intent, what's underneath of it and, really asking yourself, What is my intent here? And is it I'm moving onto fear? And any time I act on fear, as soon as if I'm focused on fear again, consciousness takes on. If I'm focused on fear and I step over that thing, I'm afraid of, guess what? My mind's now looking for the next thing that I'm afraid. Many times us empaths that have been abused by narcissists many times we look for other people to abuse us because it's comfortable better to deal with the demon than, than to raise the demonn that you don't.

And I would rather be with this narcissist to be abused physically, mentally spiritually, whatever the level of abuse is that you're experiencing. I would rather go through that abuse than and not have that abuse there, and then have to deal with whatever's underneath my. Now you're getting down into the selfish reason why I stay.

I, I'm gonna speak with I statements. I stay a victim because better to deal with the demonn that I know this person than to let go of that demonn and then find another demonn to come along, find another person to come along, do the same thing to me, and go, see, I told you it wasn't them. It is me.

I am not good enough. Nobody does love me. I'm not lovable. For me it was. I again, my mom rejected me by sending me with my dad. My stepmother, she abused me, and my mom found out took me back. So then now I'm being stripped from my father because I want, I'm not okay with this woman. Just put me back in the closet giving me my daddy back.

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How? How certain you are. The sun has never come up. It never came up yesterday. It won't come up tomorrow. You revolve around the sun, not the other way around. Now and there are people listening to this right now. They're laughing much like I see that like you're, it is Oh, that's funny. Haha. But really look at the depth of it.

It's a lie. That's not what's really going on. But that's the story that your mind has built, and that's because I have to navigate from this spot inside my skin. And so I'm naturally trapped in the storyline. This is the same thing with all other shadow. We create this blueprint of our reality and now all the reality lines up with it so that I can make meaning of my world in a way that makes sense.

This is the work. Working on the shadow goes down into that stuff and rewrites those algorithms so that we can see that, oh, the sun does not revolve around me. The world does not revolve around me. This world. Matter of fact, I am not an. Most of us in the, we feel like we're orphans and we're trying to, We're in battle with it.

No, you're not an orphan. How could you be? If I plant a tree and I come back, if I plant a, if I take an acorn, raven, and I plant that acorn, and I come back 10 years from now, what is that acorn gonna turn into a tree? It's gonna turn into an oak tree. Is it gonna turn into a baseball bat?

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It's not gonna turn into a car. It's not gonna turn into a dog. It's gonna be a tree. You are the same way. If you really connect yourself with the totality of everything, you are right where you need to be, having the experience, you need to have in the moment. You need to have it. It's whether or not I'm driving that experience.

Most of the time I'm not. I'm unconscious and all my programming is taking over and I'm just reacting. And if you've got this programming down there, if we've dealt with trauma, if we've dealt with any, then that programming is gonna line me right up with the narcis. So that it lines up with the programming that I've got going on, and now I'm suffering and I'm suffering in a way that I don't even know that I'm bringing that suffering on.

And again, I'm not trying to victim shame anybody here because I don't know, like I don't know your trauma, I don't know your pain, I don't have any answers for you. But you have to look and see how your programming is drawing you to this and do the work necessary in the programming and the algorithms so that you get, And when you do that, somehow you see a glimpse of God somehow.

I don't know what it is, but there's God right there.

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that

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there's

a, there's an app if you wanna go down. Yeah, download the 30 Day Mental Cleanse app. You can pick that up. You don't need to come anywhere. I've got people that I've been training now, but if you go to Mastering change, m a s t e r i n g change.com, that'll give you a whole host of resources to get started.

And even if that's not it, then look at where you're suffering in your life. Look at those people that annoy you, . That's always a good place to start because that annoyance is about you, not about them. Thank you very.

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But the truth is, we are all vulnerable to their charms, and once we're caught in their web, it can be very hard to break free. This book was a game changer for me. It helped me to understand how I got caught up with my narcissist in the first place. And it showed me how to break free from their control.

If you are struggling in a relationship with a narcissist or if you're trying to recover from one, I highly recommend this book. Thank you so much, Kira Noche for that review.

You can't start in your next chapter if you're rereading the last one. This is just one of the many beautiful sparkle reminders that I've drafted for you to receive every week. If you wish to receive Sparkle reminders, just like this, sign up to get this gift every Saturday into your inbox. In the link, in the show notes, and also the bonus when you first sign up is you receive the How to Draw Powerful Boundaries Workshop that isn't actually just about boundaries.

There's a lot of spiritual healing in there for your soul as. You can follow me at Instagram, reach out, say hello. Share with me how you're doing at Raven Scott's Show. I am here for you perpetually on Instagram and this podcast. And remember, always keep your unique light shining. See you next episode.

Losing time. I fading fast. I just wanna make it last. Try to let go of the past. I close my eyes, embrace the blood. Everything finds me at the perfect time. Mavi is helping people clear emotions, trapped chords. And subconscious beliefs every day through the emotion code. She is amazing. I'm personally working with her on my relationship refocus, uh, after I've completed my abundance clearing.

And my God, it does. Is it working? ? It is so working and it's so amazing. I'm clearing out things like I feel safe to express my thoughts and feelings with my partner. I'm clearing out old connections, disappointments, trapped emotions from way back into my childhood with my sibling. And so if you have not connected with her, you must just try, Just have a conversation with her 30 minutes free q and a of like, what is the emotion code and how can this help me and give it a try.

It's free. So connect with her in the link in the show notes@www.movi.ca. Are you looking for ways to heal your heart from trauma? I am honored to be a guest on another Trauma to Triumph Summit, hosted by a completely different person, Patrice Pugh, and she has a personal experience of trauma. She was held a gun point by her own son who is now incarcerated, and she is making her tragic and so horribly sad story into gold, and she's helping others heal through.

this is a 14 day online summit you can do at the leisure of your own timing and in the comfort of your own home. From November 28th through December 11th, Patrice Pugh is taking you through different topics of how trauma does not define you, going from survivor to thriver, taming the bullying between your ears, and what I'm sharing is five stages of forgiveness.

The best part is it's totally. So get your free ticket for the Trauma to Triumph Summit today in the link in the show notes. I want to take a moment and invite you to think Unbroken Conference. That's right. Our next conference is happening right around the corner this December with amazing speakers from around the world who are leaders in personal development, trauma education mindset.

And more. All you have to do to register to watch for free. That's right. $0. Come and join us is go to my unbroken life.com, register and sign up. You can get access to the free event. Watch it live with us this December. It'll be myself speaking along with amazing human beings like. Anthony Trucks, Jamie Bronstein, Leslie Logan, and a special interview that I'm doing with Dr.

G Monte that has never before been released. So come and join us, my unbroken life.com. All you have to do is put in your email, we'll send you over the registration. You'll be able to come and join us, watch live, and then if you want access to the recordings or more information there for you to keep them forever.

But in the meantime, go. Block it off on your calendar. This is gonna be a transformational experience that you do not want to miss. Head over to my unbroken life.com to register for free. Until next time, be unbroken. Will you Nights in headache stack, restlessness to hell and bath. What's my purpose? But do I grab a slippery surface?

A hard attack, and sometimes you just gotta believe there's something that'll give you relief. There's something that'll have what you need. What you mean we're broken? It's tragic. We're not all elastic, but maybe there's. Believe you could have it, and I know of sadness, the anxious the of all.

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About the Podcast

Empath And The Narcissist: Healing Guide from Abuse and PTSD
Empowering empaths in recovery & healing from narcissist abuse and childhood trauma through astrology self care, experts, self development tools, and calm meditations
Grab your FREE How to Defeat the Narcissist Audio Gift http://ravenscott.show ... I am providing empaths, who are feeling hurt and alone in their journey, a community to awaken their spirituality and intuition, with daily support via email, monthly astrological self care newsletter, and healing workshops. Empowering empaths in recovery & healing from narcissist abuse and childhood trauma through spiritual tools, expert guests, energy healing, self development tools, and calm meditations. When it comes to the story of your life, let no one else hold the pen. Healing from PTSD, emotional abuse, havoc on your self worth from the narcissist requires months to years of self care, eft tapping, inner child meditation, self pleasure, self discovery, journaling, and support from professionals and coaches.
This show is energetically educating on narcissism, ridding ourselves from codependent people pleaser tendencies, to find our power and purpose. Topics covered: Childhood trauma, narcissist abuse recovery, mother's who can't love, personal development, self care, childhood trauma, Astrology, tarot card intuitive messages, meditative thoughts, and expert guests sharing different psychology and spiritual healing modalities.
Your host, Raven Scott, is a narcissistic abuse survivor, author of Empath and The Narcissist and also is a Certified Meditation Teacher. Get your FREE Boundaries Workshop http://ravenscott.show/free-workshop
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Raven Scott

Raven Scott is a survivor of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. From people pleaser to kick ass author, podcaster, & mentor, she is a certified meditation teacher and Destiny Coach. She teaches you how to shed people-pleasing patterns one step at a time to find your power & potential through healing so you can kick ass in THIS life. Her focus is to help you tune into your soul’s healing, learning & purpose with intuition, meditations, North Node Medicine & Human Design. Join her in soul-filled podcast community on Facebook. Women Empaths Self Development to Unlock Your Destiny